The Aneurysm’s of Life
My day started out as it usually does. I got up, made breakfast and lunch for my husband and sent him off to work. I wanted to get an early start on cleaning the house, because I had to take my son and his family somewhere later in the day. I started working on a project for my husband and was just about finished. It was early in the afternoon and I decided to take a break from working on the computer. I could feel my head was starting to hurt and didn’t want it to turn into a migraine. Migraines run in my family and I was having more than I normally do over the last few months. As I stood up, I lost my balance and a sharp pain went through the right side of my head I stumbled a bit, and sat back down. That’s when the right side of my face went numb. It felt like I just come from the dentist. I sat there for a while hoping the symptoms would go away but they didn't. I felt a since of shock, this is not happening to me I am not having a stroke! I’m too young, I think. I went to my bedroom to lie down for a while hoping it would go away. I wanted to tell my son but I didn’t want to scare him. I called my regular doctor and his office was closed. I thought about calling my husband. He would just panic and run people over on the highway, trying to get to me. I finally decided to drive myself to the hospital. I guess that wasn’t a smart idea considering I might be having a stroke. My husband did call me while I was on the way there, I told him I was going to the gym.
It was a cold and wet day outside and I had to park far from the emergency entrance because the parking lot was full. The lite snow that was falling felt good hitting my face. I thought maybe the snow hitting my face would make it feel better by the time I got to the entrance and I could turn around and go home. Not! I got there and told my symptoms to the clerk in the emergency department, gave her my insurance information and was told to wait in the waiting room. I’ve read about strokes and how crucial the first few hours are. The fact that I had to wait over an hour to see a doctor was not sitting well with me. I finally got to see a doctor and was asked a lot of questions. Suddenly, I was rushed on by a lot of doctors and nurses, which shocked me. I’m thinking, “this is a lot of people for just a migraine headache”. I was asked questions about my family history. I told them that migraines run in my family. That’s when another nurse came in and I had to do some test looking at her fingers and some first grade pictures. They also asked me some really weird questions. I had to have an MRI to make sure everything was okay and was given meds for my migraine. The doctors thought I might have had a mild stroke. That’s when I had to call my husband because that freaked me completely out. You think about what may be wrong with you but somehow when they tell you, your first reaction is what, and then tears. The nurse who put the IV in for the MRI put the wrong size needle or tube thing in my arm and I had to be poked three more times before they got it right. I almost told them it hurt to much and I didn’t want to do the test, luckily I didn’t. My migraine got a little better with the meds and I waited for the results. By the time they came back with the results my husband was there.
Here is where life changes. First, there were two additional doctors in my room. That should have been my first sign that this was not going to be good. They explained to me that my MRI showed there was damage on my brain from a previous stroke and a couple of other things. As my mouth dropped and tears begin to run down my face, I was given more news. I have an aneurysm on my carotid artery about 3 mm long. Today, I just had a migraine that mimics a stroke, I was told. Sorry, all I heard was aneurysm. I couldn’t believe my day. As I sat there and cried so many thoughts went through my mind. The first one was, well I could have found out about this on the other side of life. But, I still cried because I almost told that nurse to take that needle out of my arm for the MRI. The doctors that came to talk to me about my aneurysm were nice. I told them about my migraines and they gave me the best meds I have ever had to prevent them. They also told me that they are going to watch my aneurysm and will take a look at it in a year. Just to make sure it’s not getting larger and if it is they will discuss removal or treatment. That sounds like fun. Then I asked them could I go home, they said no I have to stay over night for observation, I cried some more. My husband stayed with me as long as he could, he had to go let Dreams our dog out. I kind of wanted him to leave so that I could think & cry some more. I had so many crazy thoughts going through my mind, more than I normally do. I thought about my life and how valuable it is. I thought about all the crap I went through over the past few months. I thought about what matters to me right now. What I want to do with my life, not what other people think I should do. I thought about all the decisions I had made and decided that I can’t change them. Good or bad they were mine to make. I thought about my past, my future and my present. How sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do now, some people are always going to judge you on what you did then. You can’t grab for your future if your holding on to your past.
I was given instructions in the hospital. One really caught my eye. Along with watching my blood pressure and salt. I was told not to get to upset or stressed out, this could cause some problems for me. One of my goals is to have a peaceful life and not let others come into it and disturb that peace. I also decided to leave this world "all used up", as the great Les Brown would say. To go after my dreams where ever they may lead me, that’s where I’ll be. I'd rather attempt something great and fail than to attempt nothing and succeed.
My aneurysm gave me a different perspective on life. I know sometimes as mothers we don’t think we deserve a life of our own. When the kids are gone and you’ve done your best with what you had and what you knew....Let them go IT’S YOUR TURN. Don’t let an aneurysm make you lay down and think –What’s in this life for me, go find it now! I feel so blessed, my doctor told me my aneurysm could have been diagnosed on the morgue table as so many of them have been. But instead, God got my attention while I was breathing. Even until this day, I find myself scared and wondering if this thing will one day take my life away. But I must not live my life scared, I must wake up everyday and thank God for that day and try do make my dreams come true. Should I one day not wake up on this side but on the other I would have no regrets. But I will have a lot of questions for God.
Always remember:
It’s never too late, until they throw the dirt in your face.
Dream!
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