Youlanda-land

I have decided to make my blog a little less serious, at least for a little while. Since I wrote my last blog, I have been thru, some changes but none life threating as you see I am still here. I have decided to do some of the things I always wanted to do, one being an actress, not a movie star but an actress. I would like to make enough money to help my family buy a couple of houses, have a life style not just a life and put some money away for retirement. So I will chronicle some of those adventures in Youlanda-land past and present with you soon. I may even say something about what's going on in the world, but that may get me in trouble. Life and death is in the tongue. So please come back and take a read, you can find out what songs I'm working on, how bad I did at an audition. Who I met on a movie set, what parts I got--or not. Maybe I'll tell you about some of my auditions. Like the time I came out of an audition, felt a breeze, looked down and realized my pants were unzipped during the entire time, or while I was reading for a part, makeup got into my contact lens I couldn't read the lines so I started laughing, realizing of course...They won't be calling me for that part...oh well. I had a good laugh. So come with me to Youlanda-land...I think you'll enjoy the journey.

Aneurysms Of Life

The Aneurysm’s of Life


My day started out as it usually does. I got up, made breakfast and lunch for my husband and sent him off to work. I wanted to get an early start on cleaning the house, because I had to take my son and his family somewhere later in the day. I started working on a project for my husband and was just about finished. It was early in the afternoon and I decided to take a break from working on the computer. I could feel my head was starting to hurt and didn’t want it to turn into a migraine. Migraines run in my family and I was having more than I normally do over the last few months. As I stood up, I lost my balance and a sharp pain went through the right side of my head I stumbled a bit, and sat back down. That’s when the right side of my face went numb. It felt like I just come from the dentist. I sat there for a while hoping the symptoms would go away but they didn't. I felt a since of shock, this is not happening to me I am not having a stroke! I’m too young, I think. I went to my bedroom to lie down for a while hoping it would go away. I wanted to tell my son but I didn’t want to scare him. I called my regular doctor and his office was closed. I thought about calling my husband. He would just panic and run people over on the highway, trying to get to me. I finally decided to drive myself to the hospital. I guess that wasn’t a smart idea considering I might be having a stroke. My husband did call me while I was on the way there, I told him I was going to the gym.

It was a cold and wet day outside and I had to park far from the emergency entrance because the parking lot was full. The lite snow that was falling felt good hitting my face. I thought maybe the snow hitting my face would make it feel better by the time I got to the entrance and I could turn around and go home. Not! I got there and told my symptoms to the clerk in the emergency department, gave her my insurance information and was told to wait in the waiting room. I’ve read about strokes and how crucial the first few hours are. The fact that I had to wait over an hour to see a doctor was not sitting well with me. I finally got to see a doctor and was asked a lot of questions. Suddenly, I was rushed on by a lot of doctors and nurses, which shocked me. I’m thinking, “this is a lot of people for just a migraine headache”. I was asked questions about my family history. I told them that migraines run in my family. That’s when another nurse came in and I had to do some test looking at her fingers and some first grade pictures. They also asked me some really weird questions. I had to have an MRI to make sure everything was okay and was given meds for my migraine. The doctors thought I might have had a mild stroke. That’s when I had to call my husband because that freaked me completely out. You think about what may be wrong with you but somehow when they tell you, your first reaction is what, and then tears. The nurse who put the IV in for the MRI put the wrong size needle or tube thing in my arm and I had to be poked three more times before they got it right. I almost told them it hurt to much and I didn’t want to do the test, luckily I didn’t. My migraine got a little better with the meds and I waited for the results. By the time they came back with the results my husband was there.

Here is where life changes. First, there were two additional doctors in my room. That should have been my first sign that this was not going to be good. They explained to me that my MRI showed there was damage on my brain from a previous stroke and a couple of other things. As my mouth dropped and tears begin to run down my face, I was given more news. I have an aneurysm on my carotid artery about 3 mm long. Today, I just had a migraine that mimics a stroke, I was told. Sorry, all I heard was aneurysm. I couldn’t believe my day. As I sat there and cried so many thoughts went through my mind. The first one was, well I could have found out about this on the other side of life. But, I still cried because I almost told that nurse to take that needle out of my arm for the MRI. The doctors that came to talk to me about my aneurysm were nice. I told them about my migraines and they gave me the best meds I have ever had to prevent them. They also told me that they are going to watch my aneurysm and will take a look at it in a year. Just to make sure it’s not getting larger and if it is they will discuss removal or treatment. That sounds like fun. Then I asked them could I go home, they said no I have to stay over night for observation, I cried some more. My husband stayed with me as long as he could, he had to go let Dreams our dog out. I kind of wanted him to leave so that I could think & cry some more. I had so many crazy thoughts going through my mind, more than I normally do. I thought about my life and how valuable it is. I thought about all the crap I went through over the past few months. I thought about what matters to me right now. What I want to do with my life, not what other people think I should do. I thought about all the decisions I had made and decided that I can’t change them. Good or bad they were mine to make. I thought about my past, my future and my present. How sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do now, some people are always going to judge you on what you did then. You can’t grab for your future if your holding on to your past.

I was given instructions in the hospital. One really caught my eye. Along with watching my blood pressure and salt. I was told not to get to upset or stressed out, this could cause some problems for me. One of my goals is to have a peaceful life and not let others come into it and disturb that peace. I also decided to leave this world "all used up", as the great Les Brown would say. To go after my dreams where ever they may lead me, that’s where I’ll be. I'd rather attempt something great and fail than to attempt nothing and succeed.


My aneurysm gave me a different perspective on life. I know sometimes as mothers we don’t think we deserve a life of our own. When the kids are gone and you’ve done your best with what you had and what you knew....Let them go IT’S YOUR TURN. Don’t let an aneurysm make you lay down and think –What’s in this life for me, go find it now! I feel so blessed, my doctor told me my aneurysm could have been diagnosed on the morgue table as so many of them have been. But instead, God got my attention while I was breathing. Even until this day, I find myself scared and wondering if this thing will one day take my life away. But I must not live my life scared, I must wake up everyday and thank God for that day and try do make my dreams come true. Should I one day not wake up on this side but on the other I would have no regrets. But I will have a lot of questions for God.

Always remember:

It’s never too late, until they throw the dirt in your face.

Dream!

Father where are you?

Born on a country floor in Tennessee, as I was told by my mother. I was never quite sure who my father was. I began life in Ridgely TN, raised by a family that I thought was my fathers who treated me like I was his. Some of my best memories were in that little town. But then questions came up as to who he was and I was shipped up north where my “real” father supposedly was and down south again. I would eventually end up staying up north. I would see my alleged father every once in a while. He even had the gall to let me stay with his family for a summer, I had so much fun. I wanted to stay with them, forever. I guess I wasn’t good enough. I would see my alleged father every once in a while. Like most of us who have fly by night fathers. I am at the point where I don’t know who my real father is and I don’t care. No, I will not be going on some talk show crying my eyes out about who my father is, I’m to mature to care about that right now. However, I have been thinking about the absence of fathers lately. Just as my daughter turned thirty last year I think I can count the number of times she has seen her father on one hand. That’s horrible! How can you skip out and not see your child. I know there may be some issues with the mother of your child but that is your child. If you don’t think so, go get a DNA test to make sure. Let me add that paying child support does not make you a father your presence is just as important, if not more. I know that we as young parents probably made some really bad decisions about life but at the same time we also created life and a lot of men just created it and left. I have several questions for those men. Do you not think about the children you made or do you just not care? Don’t you wonder if their doing okay? There are some stats that say children without their fathers in life tend not to do as well as children with a father’s in their life. Shouldn’t you be responsible for that life in some way? Especially the young girls. Would we have less teenage pregnancies if there were fathers in the home. Would young women make better choices in mates if they had a good example of how a man should treat a women. Would some of our young men, think about the choices they make if they had a role model to emulate? Would they treat women differently if they knew how? Rather than following the images on TV they would have a real example of how to treat a young lady. I think it would have made a difference in my life. In fact I know it would have. People say it’s never too late to do the right thing, I think in some cases it is. However, if you are a father out there and you haven’t seen your child for thirty years or so you may want to make an effort. It may change some things or maybe not. Because they may have some really heavy questions for you like, why did you leave, didn’t you think about me, didn’t you love me. At all.
PS
You absent fathers really need to watch how you treat your children. You never know, they may actually grow up to be a singer, doctor, lawyer, photographer or whatever they make up their minds to do. My “alleged” father actually said to me, you’ll never be anything in life because I had children so young. Ha! The jokes on him.
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Hurting people-hurt people--

I find that as I grow in the music industry I have quite a few critics. I never expected not to have any, it's part of our business and it's the business I love. I now know how some of the people I have followed for so many years feel ( on a very small scale). I read some of the comments people make about them and think. What a miserable life you must have to judge someone so harshly. You don't know the price they paid to get to where they are or the personal issues they may be facing that day. The day I read some of my comments two or my children where in the hospital, along with some other problems. It was a very hard day for me and took me several days to deal with it. But once I had my pity party and asked why are people so mean I came to this conclusion. From that day forward I will not let the negative freaks out there determine my happiness on that day. I will not stop pursuing my dreams just because you said no. If you don't like my music don't buy it don't listen to it. If you don't like me on TV don't watch me. Someone I really like in this world once said "hurting people, hurt people. I know that everyone is not going to like me I don't expect them to. But you don't have to insult, you don't have to so mean.

Now on to something more happier. I am going to chart in my blog starting soon some of my experiences in the Indie world of music I have some great opportunities coming up and I would like to share them. I realize that a lot of my blog has been about my family they are always going to be there and I will continue to pray for them. But it's time I really focused on slaying Goliath. In the next few weeks I will answer some of the questions I have been getting and some of the experiences I am having.

IT'S NEVER TO LATE UNTIL THEY THROW THE DIRT IN YOUR FACE!

Weak & Young, Depressed, Peace of Mind

I saw my daughter today. She is weak depressed and I think the only thing that keeps her going is her kids. I know from my research that heart patients have a lot of issues with depression. Her being a young heart patient makes it worse. There are many things I want to accomplish in life, singing writing talk show TV shows lots of things. However it saddens me when I have more energy than she does or the fact that she can't do certain things for her kids because she is to weak. I filled out a survey recently and the question was asked why do you want to succeed. I answered to help my family - mainly my daughter. To help buy better health care for her, to buy her a home that she does not have to worry about be evicted out of, a yard for the kids to play in. Peace of mind for her so that maybe if she has peace she can overcome the issues in her life. Her kids are some of the most helpful kids in the world, they know how to take care of her, and make sure she has what she needs. But they also need to be kids. So I'll add a private nurse or caregiver. It's funny how success is not just about life, but making life easier. I know if I keep going and take advantage of EVERY opportunity out there I will get there, my YES is out there. I must continue on and search and be available.

Health Care, Nasty, Mean & Spit

First, I want to thank all of you for your prayers and concern my daughter is doing okay. I find myself in a position that is unfamiliar to me politics & the health care bill. I consider myself an independent. I have voted both Democratics and Republicans. I find that both parties have great ideas. If they could merge somehow, it would be awesome. The problem that I have now, is with the Republicans. They are just down right nasty and mean they give credibility to what I heard when I was growing up. Republicans don't like black people, their rich, and don't care about anyone but themselves. At a certain age you get to decide, how you think, how you feel, how you vote, and I did. I make it a point to vote, I'm not a straight party lines kind of girl. I voted for who I thought could do the best job, be it Republican or Democrat. Right now I find myself not liking the Republican party. Why, because it never look so evil . They are so busy fighting Obama , it seems like their definite major purpose in life is to destroy him. It looks so evil that it scares me, it resembles the devil. The devil is also how the Republicans were described to me sometimes. I have never seen them act so child like. Are they mad because they didn't think of the idea, did the President not tell them that he would welcome any ideas his door was open. Are they mad because of the money. We still have a war we' re paying for. Did they raise this much hell over Bush's war. No, because he was Republican. No ones getting killed, no one is going to knock on your door and saying your son or daughter has died because of this health care bill. No one is going to lose a limb, or have to be treated for depression. No mother is going to lose her husband nor a husband his wife. The decision that Bush made to go to war has cost us in more ways than just money. We never found those "weapons of mass destruction" and Osama is still on the lose. Then of course the evils of Rush Limbaugh chimed in. Which makes things even worse, and to think I actually liked him at one point in my life. If America is so bad, run for President, if you think you can do it better, go for it. All I hear is how screwed up the country is. I will believe this as long as I live, if you don't like our country GET OUT! I have lost respect for the Republican party. Spitting on people, saying the "N" word is going way to far. It's health insurance not war. Did you spit on the people who approved these senseless wars. No, because some of you would be spitting on yourself. I gave the Republican party the benefit of the doubt, but now it seems more racial than anything. It looks like the "evil white men" versus the black man. I wouldn't doubt because of their hate they may try to have our President killed. What I see right now is hate. Hate is very strong word because it comes with emotions that people can't control, which makes this situation more freighting than ever. I don't know what the solutions to Americans problems are. I'm just a little colored girl from Ridgely TN, who was told when the President speaks you listen, watch and you respect. Even though you didn't voted for him. Republicans have no respect for our President, as do a of lot people. To me their just a bunch of crazy people gone wild, acting like children who had their candy taken away. I don't really care about taxes mine have gone up so much over the last couple of years I can't keep up with them. However, I still live in America, the country that so many people risk their lives to get in, so that they can have a better one. So what will I do? Pray.



I PRAY THAT AMERICA WILL SOMEHOW FIND IT'S COMMON GROUND - WE' RE NOT ALWAYS GOING TO AGREE WITH OUR FELLOW MAN - BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO DISRESPECT HIM. MY PRAYER IS THAT WE CAN SIT DOWN AND TALK TO EACH OTHER LIKE HUMAN BEINGS- PILATE SAT DOWN WITH JESUS -WHY CAN'T WE DO THE SAME



The bottom line;

My worse day in America, is a good day somewhere else in the world.

My name is Youlanda Burnett, that's my opinion and it matters to me. Have a great day!



http://www.youlanda.org/