Living with pain & Uncertainty

On November 4th 2009 my daughter went in for her second surgery. She went thru so much this year and I wanted to write about how I thought she felt. But as with so many times before she tells her story best. A fund has been set up for her and her family if you would like to donate. http://www.maylayent.com
Since she wrote this her and her children have been evticted from their home

Hello,

My name is Tikus and I need your help even if it only means telling my story to someone. My children and I were evicted from our home on August 31, 2009. Our local electric company Com-Ed issued me $9,400 electric bill. I have tried to explain to them that I do not owe this bill and that someone stole my identity and had service was put in my name, at another residence. A local charity organization offered me 1200 dollars towards the bill, if I could get the bill down to $1200! Now the bill is no longer the big issue me and my children are homeless.

Please keep in mind that I am a recent heart patient. I was prescribed the drug Imitrex for a migraine and it damaged my heart and I had to undergo open heart surgery 6 months ago. 3 of my children have asthma, and my 2 year old daughter has Vesicoureteral Reflux Grade 4. I am still recovering from the surgery and some complications. I will need more surgery in the coming months because I am not healing properly. I wrote several letters to our Federal Housing Authority asking them to reconsider my eviction and was told I had to put my kids father on the lease in order to get the lights on in his name. However our local office refused and I was evicted. I have been so many different stories and been through so many ups and downs. I really don’t understand why the drug dealers and gang banger can still reside there when they are obviously breaking the lease and other who get the police called on them or there company. If HAJ was to enforce the rules (like they selectively did in my situation) then no one would reside in the Fairview Homes. This eviction has taken a toll on me and my family. My children are very saddened and depressed that we no longer have a place call home. I have to drive around and take them to the park during the day just too pretend that everything is alright. I was recently diagnosed with Lupus I spent most of last week in the hospital because I fainted while test were being ran. I have not healed properly because of all the stress Com-Ed and The Joliet Housing Authority has put me thru. I am in constant pain and can’t get a good night sleep. I take 12 medications a day and sometimes they do not help. I just want to be able to lay my head down sometimes and not worry about weather or not I have to move, or if the sheriff is going to come to my home.

tikuskhudar@gmail.com

Heart Aches-Never Giving Up!

My heart aches every time my daughter hurts from her heart surgery. I can't take away her pain and I wish I could. That is why I am never giving up. So that she can have better health care and doctors who don't look down on her. I will keep on praying and keep believing that things will get better for her. Thru it all she is a very strong young lady, she takes care of her children and others. She has lost her home, and has had to put all her things in storage, and even though things look grim she still finds humor. I will keep reaching for the dreams that have been given me even though it does get hard sometimes. I know that God has a plan for my life and if I don't give up things will happen. I see a better life for my family therefore I have no choice but to keep going. Even when the numbers look bad, and people say no! I have to keep pressing towards my goals. God did not give me visions to sit on them and he never told me it would be easy. If you have a vision keep at it "LIFE" will happen, and on pretty regular basis, you can't stop it. Don't let people in your eardrums don't listen to people who are not where you want to be. Don't listen to people who say, this is how it's done, create your own way. Most importantly remember, IF SUCCESS WAS EASY--EVERYBODY WOULD BE!

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Pray for Kanye

I like many other people wanted to just ring Kanye's neck when he acted like a brat on the award show. He is in a place that a lot of artists, including my own, wish they were in. Doing what he loves to do and enjoying the fruits of his labor. But is he really happy? So I thought about it, prayed about it, and my mind was quickly changed. The conclusion was to Pray for Kanye and I did, here is my prayer for him:

Dear God:

I ask you to come into Kanye’s heart mind and soul. Engulf every fiber and cell in his body, to give him the peace and understanding that he longs to have. Help him grieve for the person he loved the most in this world, knowing that she is gone in body but not in spirit. Lord guide him and let him know, that even though he is not perfect, you are and that you love him no matter what.

Do you have to be a "Christian" to go to Heaven?

The question: Do you have to be a Christian to go to Heaven or do you just have the believe that:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

I asked the question because I have been struggling with the word “Christian” for quite a while. It all came to a head this week when my manager told me that a Hip Hop station was considering playing my new song "Thank You. " At first I thought he said some other song. I thought for a moment, that's interesting. I think a lot of the Hip Hop artists probably were raised in the church. If you can get them to think about God with a catchy rhythm, some non- judgemental lyrics it might change some thinking out there, just maybe. But unfortunately what I have seen and what other people think of Christians; judgemental, mean and unforgiving. Made me wonder what they would think of my song. I sing and write all genres of music and was very hesitant to release "Thank You" to gospel radio because some of them can have a "holy than thou spirit ". What am I going to say if they ask me how can you sing about God and still do other music genres. That is what made me question the word "Christian." Am I saved if I do other music, but still believe? I toiled with this for quite a few months until I had a long conversation with God and received his blessing. But I still had questions about what the Bible said about being a "Christian", I am still studying, that is why I poised the question above to a co-worker, his comments are below. I came to the conclusion that I don't care what people say about my music it's my music it's how I feel. You either play it or you don't. I will continue to write songs of thanks, peace, praise, joy or whatever he lays on my heart. More than likely I'm probably going to say something or do something that will offend some Christian's or people in general, that's okay God has prepared me for that. I am still a BELIEVER I know that God loves me and I love him. He loves us all. How about you, what do you believe?

My name is Youlanda Burnett that's opinion and it matters to me.

I have never been so scared as I was in February when we were told that my 29 year old daughter had to have heart surgery. It was a reaction from taking Imitrex that caused her arteries to swell, my heart just want to have her pain so that she could go home to her children, that loved her so much. I looked at how hard it was just for her too breathe and thought, this is not happening. What did she do to have to go thur all of this, so young. The days that led up to her surgery I wanted it to be special if she wanted something I got it. When I would go home I would have terrifying dreams that the doctor would call saying she's gone. But I would say a prayer and call the name Jesus and he would rescue her. The morning of the surgery I just could not relax, we said goodbye to her when they said this is as far as you can go. Oh my God just the thought of someone opening her little chest was just terrifying. It took less time than they said, I think 5 hours, not sure. The hospital waiting room volunteer was so nice and tried to assure us that she would be okay because she is so young. She said she had the surgery also and it wasn't a big deal. But it was. We were told we could see her after surgery and how she would look, bloated with a lot of tubes coming out of her and that she may not look like herself. Nothing can prepare you for that recovery room. She looked so helpless, tubes everywhere you could here every breath she took, she was cold it is the most horrible thing I have ever seen, bags hanging from her bed and several Iv's coming out of her little arms. They had so much medication going in her. She would recover as scheduled but she had some really bad day mares, not night mares. I took as much time as I could off of work and everything else in my life came to a halt nothing else mattered, just her getting well. She would eventually come to stay with us to recover. Those were some of the best weeks I had ever spent with her as we have not always been close. I learned some things that I didn't know about her, what TV shows she liked what kinda of food she liked to eat because she knew all the places that had take out. She liked to shop. I also learned that she is a much better mother than I could EVER be. I saw how much her children loved her and when she looked at them all I could see was unconditional love. She had to go back to the hospital, for a few day , she hated that. She did return to her family a few weeks later and the day she left I went and sat on her bed and cried because she had to go to her family. She has had some problems with her heart it beats to fast and because she has low blood pressure it is hard for them to treat her. They put her on a heart monitor and they are working from there. After fighting for her life she has had to fight for her house. All of a sudden the electric was turned off because of a 9,000 bill and our wonderful government housing decided to throw her and her children out of the house. She did not want to stay with me because she is a very proud young women. They did eventually let her come back, and we tried to talk to ComEd to resolve the issue and tell them that this is not her bill but they will not listen. They are very rude! An agency offered 1200 to them and they flat out refused!. We have started a fund raiser. Some of you may ask why doesn't Maylay help her, because as good as our music is, no one wants to buy it that much they say it's good but they don't buy. And that hurts me, because I can't help her like I would like too, and it sucks. It's a battle out their dealing with people who just don't care, everywhere you turn their is just lack of concern on ComEd's part I have never ever, dealt with such an unreasonable company in my life. They denied her doctors letters for two of her children who have asthma, they lied and said they had never received paper work and they tell you that a supervisor will call you back and tell you to stop calling so much. What a company I wish we had another company for electric! We will continue to fight!! Things will get better for her and us.

Do It Yourself

It boggles my mind the amount of people out there charging money to artist to get their music on I-tunes and other digital stores, radio stations, or in front of A&R reps, even charging money to audition. You know who you are. Exactly what do you get for your money, who listened to it, who did you send it to? Do I get a money back guarantee if you don’t succeed? The bottom line is that you can do what these people are doing. You may have to sacrifice some quality time for research. First, have someone give an honest opinion about your music FOR FREE! not your mother or cousins but someone totally removed from you and decide if it's something you want to continue to do. Then, find a studio with reasonable prices and a good sound, they are out there. Go take a look at the studio, if they are good they will have samples of the work they have done. Interview them, it's your money don't give it to someone you don't like or do one song and see how it fits. Next-I-tunes & Boost are perfect for the Indie artists they will let you upload a single with art work for a very reasonable fee. For example, we recorded the single "Good Time" had it mastered, uploaded the art work and had it on Boost within 2 weeks for a little more than a hundred dollars. We took the research we did over the years and created a DJ, college and Internet stations data base of our own. We asked if they would play the song. Some said yes, some said no but we keep going until we get that yes. Delete the ones that say no :) The Internet is the WORLD WIDE WEB, use it to your advantage. Ownership is power, do your research, learn about the music business. Don't get me wrong, we are not where we want to be in the music industry YET! but were almost there and we will keep striving until we get the YES that will make a difference. The road to success may be a little longer if you do it yourself, but it's worth it. Ownership is power, don't loose yours!