Youlanda-land

I have decided to make my blog a little less serious, at least for a little while. Since I wrote my last blog, I have been thru, some changes but none life threating as you see I am still here. I have decided to do some of the things I always wanted to do, one being an actress, not a movie star but an actress. I would like to make enough money to help my family buy a couple of houses, have a life style not just a life and put some money away for retirement. So I will chronicle some of those adventures in Youlanda-land past and present with you soon. I may even say something about what's going on in the world, but that may get me in trouble. Life and death is in the tongue. So please come back and take a read, you can find out what songs I'm working on, how bad I did at an audition. Who I met on a movie set, what parts I got--or not. Maybe I'll tell you about some of my auditions. Like the time I came out of an audition, felt a breeze, looked down and realized my pants were unzipped during the entire time, or while I was reading for a part, makeup got into my contact lens I couldn't read the lines so I started laughing, realizing of course...They won't be calling me for that part...oh well. I had a good laugh. So come with me to Youlanda-land...I think you'll enjoy the journey.

Aneurysms Of Life

The Aneurysm’s of Life


My day started out as it usually does. I got up, made breakfast and lunch for my husband and sent him off to work. I wanted to get an early start on cleaning the house, because I had to take my son and his family somewhere later in the day. I started working on a project for my husband and was just about finished. It was early in the afternoon and I decided to take a break from working on the computer. I could feel my head was starting to hurt and didn’t want it to turn into a migraine. Migraines run in my family and I was having more than I normally do over the last few months. As I stood up, I lost my balance and a sharp pain went through the right side of my head I stumbled a bit, and sat back down. That’s when the right side of my face went numb. It felt like I just come from the dentist. I sat there for a while hoping the symptoms would go away but they didn't. I felt a since of shock, this is not happening to me I am not having a stroke! I’m too young, I think. I went to my bedroom to lie down for a while hoping it would go away. I wanted to tell my son but I didn’t want to scare him. I called my regular doctor and his office was closed. I thought about calling my husband. He would just panic and run people over on the highway, trying to get to me. I finally decided to drive myself to the hospital. I guess that wasn’t a smart idea considering I might be having a stroke. My husband did call me while I was on the way there, I told him I was going to the gym.

It was a cold and wet day outside and I had to park far from the emergency entrance because the parking lot was full. The lite snow that was falling felt good hitting my face. I thought maybe the snow hitting my face would make it feel better by the time I got to the entrance and I could turn around and go home. Not! I got there and told my symptoms to the clerk in the emergency department, gave her my insurance information and was told to wait in the waiting room. I’ve read about strokes and how crucial the first few hours are. The fact that I had to wait over an hour to see a doctor was not sitting well with me. I finally got to see a doctor and was asked a lot of questions. Suddenly, I was rushed on by a lot of doctors and nurses, which shocked me. I’m thinking, “this is a lot of people for just a migraine headache”. I was asked questions about my family history. I told them that migraines run in my family. That’s when another nurse came in and I had to do some test looking at her fingers and some first grade pictures. They also asked me some really weird questions. I had to have an MRI to make sure everything was okay and was given meds for my migraine. The doctors thought I might have had a mild stroke. That’s when I had to call my husband because that freaked me completely out. You think about what may be wrong with you but somehow when they tell you, your first reaction is what, and then tears. The nurse who put the IV in for the MRI put the wrong size needle or tube thing in my arm and I had to be poked three more times before they got it right. I almost told them it hurt to much and I didn’t want to do the test, luckily I didn’t. My migraine got a little better with the meds and I waited for the results. By the time they came back with the results my husband was there.

Here is where life changes. First, there were two additional doctors in my room. That should have been my first sign that this was not going to be good. They explained to me that my MRI showed there was damage on my brain from a previous stroke and a couple of other things. As my mouth dropped and tears begin to run down my face, I was given more news. I have an aneurysm on my carotid artery about 3 mm long. Today, I just had a migraine that mimics a stroke, I was told. Sorry, all I heard was aneurysm. I couldn’t believe my day. As I sat there and cried so many thoughts went through my mind. The first one was, well I could have found out about this on the other side of life. But, I still cried because I almost told that nurse to take that needle out of my arm for the MRI. The doctors that came to talk to me about my aneurysm were nice. I told them about my migraines and they gave me the best meds I have ever had to prevent them. They also told me that they are going to watch my aneurysm and will take a look at it in a year. Just to make sure it’s not getting larger and if it is they will discuss removal or treatment. That sounds like fun. Then I asked them could I go home, they said no I have to stay over night for observation, I cried some more. My husband stayed with me as long as he could, he had to go let Dreams our dog out. I kind of wanted him to leave so that I could think & cry some more. I had so many crazy thoughts going through my mind, more than I normally do. I thought about my life and how valuable it is. I thought about all the crap I went through over the past few months. I thought about what matters to me right now. What I want to do with my life, not what other people think I should do. I thought about all the decisions I had made and decided that I can’t change them. Good or bad they were mine to make. I thought about my past, my future and my present. How sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do now, some people are always going to judge you on what you did then. You can’t grab for your future if your holding on to your past.

I was given instructions in the hospital. One really caught my eye. Along with watching my blood pressure and salt. I was told not to get to upset or stressed out, this could cause some problems for me. One of my goals is to have a peaceful life and not let others come into it and disturb that peace. I also decided to leave this world "all used up", as the great Les Brown would say. To go after my dreams where ever they may lead me, that’s where I’ll be. I'd rather attempt something great and fail than to attempt nothing and succeed.


My aneurysm gave me a different perspective on life. I know sometimes as mothers we don’t think we deserve a life of our own. When the kids are gone and you’ve done your best with what you had and what you knew....Let them go IT’S YOUR TURN. Don’t let an aneurysm make you lay down and think –What’s in this life for me, go find it now! I feel so blessed, my doctor told me my aneurysm could have been diagnosed on the morgue table as so many of them have been. But instead, God got my attention while I was breathing. Even until this day, I find myself scared and wondering if this thing will one day take my life away. But I must not live my life scared, I must wake up everyday and thank God for that day and try do make my dreams come true. Should I one day not wake up on this side but on the other I would have no regrets. But I will have a lot of questions for God.

Always remember:

It’s never too late, until they throw the dirt in your face.

Dream!

Father where are you?

Born on a country floor in Tennessee, as I was told by my mother. I was never quite sure who my father was. I began life in Ridgely TN, raised by a family that I thought was my fathers who treated me like I was his. Some of my best memories were in that little town. But then questions came up as to who he was and I was shipped up north where my “real” father supposedly was and down south again. I would eventually end up staying up north. I would see my alleged father every once in a while. He even had the gall to let me stay with his family for a summer, I had so much fun. I wanted to stay with them, forever. I guess I wasn’t good enough. I would see my alleged father every once in a while. Like most of us who have fly by night fathers. I am at the point where I don’t know who my real father is and I don’t care. No, I will not be going on some talk show crying my eyes out about who my father is, I’m to mature to care about that right now. However, I have been thinking about the absence of fathers lately. Just as my daughter turned thirty last year I think I can count the number of times she has seen her father on one hand. That’s horrible! How can you skip out and not see your child. I know there may be some issues with the mother of your child but that is your child. If you don’t think so, go get a DNA test to make sure. Let me add that paying child support does not make you a father your presence is just as important, if not more. I know that we as young parents probably made some really bad decisions about life but at the same time we also created life and a lot of men just created it and left. I have several questions for those men. Do you not think about the children you made or do you just not care? Don’t you wonder if their doing okay? There are some stats that say children without their fathers in life tend not to do as well as children with a father’s in their life. Shouldn’t you be responsible for that life in some way? Especially the young girls. Would we have less teenage pregnancies if there were fathers in the home. Would young women make better choices in mates if they had a good example of how a man should treat a women. Would some of our young men, think about the choices they make if they had a role model to emulate? Would they treat women differently if they knew how? Rather than following the images on TV they would have a real example of how to treat a young lady. I think it would have made a difference in my life. In fact I know it would have. People say it’s never too late to do the right thing, I think in some cases it is. However, if you are a father out there and you haven’t seen your child for thirty years or so you may want to make an effort. It may change some things or maybe not. Because they may have some really heavy questions for you like, why did you leave, didn’t you think about me, didn’t you love me. At all.
PS
You absent fathers really need to watch how you treat your children. You never know, they may actually grow up to be a singer, doctor, lawyer, photographer or whatever they make up their minds to do. My “alleged” father actually said to me, you’ll never be anything in life because I had children so young. Ha! The jokes on him.
.

Hurting people-hurt people--

I find that as I grow in the music industry I have quite a few critics. I never expected not to have any, it's part of our business and it's the business I love. I now know how some of the people I have followed for so many years feel ( on a very small scale). I read some of the comments people make about them and think. What a miserable life you must have to judge someone so harshly. You don't know the price they paid to get to where they are or the personal issues they may be facing that day. The day I read some of my comments two or my children where in the hospital, along with some other problems. It was a very hard day for me and took me several days to deal with it. But once I had my pity party and asked why are people so mean I came to this conclusion. From that day forward I will not let the negative freaks out there determine my happiness on that day. I will not stop pursuing my dreams just because you said no. If you don't like my music don't buy it don't listen to it. If you don't like me on TV don't watch me. Someone I really like in this world once said "hurting people, hurt people. I know that everyone is not going to like me I don't expect them to. But you don't have to insult, you don't have to so mean.

Now on to something more happier. I am going to chart in my blog starting soon some of my experiences in the Indie world of music I have some great opportunities coming up and I would like to share them. I realize that a lot of my blog has been about my family they are always going to be there and I will continue to pray for them. But it's time I really focused on slaying Goliath. In the next few weeks I will answer some of the questions I have been getting and some of the experiences I am having.

IT'S NEVER TO LATE UNTIL THEY THROW THE DIRT IN YOUR FACE!

Weak & Young, Depressed, Peace of Mind

I saw my daughter today. She is weak depressed and I think the only thing that keeps her going is her kids. I know from my research that heart patients have a lot of issues with depression. Her being a young heart patient makes it worse. There are many things I want to accomplish in life, singing writing talk show TV shows lots of things. However it saddens me when I have more energy than she does or the fact that she can't do certain things for her kids because she is to weak. I filled out a survey recently and the question was asked why do you want to succeed. I answered to help my family - mainly my daughter. To help buy better health care for her, to buy her a home that she does not have to worry about be evicted out of, a yard for the kids to play in. Peace of mind for her so that maybe if she has peace she can overcome the issues in her life. Her kids are some of the most helpful kids in the world, they know how to take care of her, and make sure she has what she needs. But they also need to be kids. So I'll add a private nurse or caregiver. It's funny how success is not just about life, but making life easier. I know if I keep going and take advantage of EVERY opportunity out there I will get there, my YES is out there. I must continue on and search and be available.

Health Care, Nasty, Mean & Spit

First, I want to thank all of you for your prayers and concern my daughter is doing okay. I find myself in a position that is unfamiliar to me politics & the health care bill. I consider myself an independent. I have voted both Democratics and Republicans. I find that both parties have great ideas. If they could merge somehow, it would be awesome. The problem that I have now, is with the Republicans. They are just down right nasty and mean they give credibility to what I heard when I was growing up. Republicans don't like black people, their rich, and don't care about anyone but themselves. At a certain age you get to decide, how you think, how you feel, how you vote, and I did. I make it a point to vote, I'm not a straight party lines kind of girl. I voted for who I thought could do the best job, be it Republican or Democrat. Right now I find myself not liking the Republican party. Why, because it never look so evil . They are so busy fighting Obama , it seems like their definite major purpose in life is to destroy him. It looks so evil that it scares me, it resembles the devil. The devil is also how the Republicans were described to me sometimes. I have never seen them act so child like. Are they mad because they didn't think of the idea, did the President not tell them that he would welcome any ideas his door was open. Are they mad because of the money. We still have a war we' re paying for. Did they raise this much hell over Bush's war. No, because he was Republican. No ones getting killed, no one is going to knock on your door and saying your son or daughter has died because of this health care bill. No one is going to lose a limb, or have to be treated for depression. No mother is going to lose her husband nor a husband his wife. The decision that Bush made to go to war has cost us in more ways than just money. We never found those "weapons of mass destruction" and Osama is still on the lose. Then of course the evils of Rush Limbaugh chimed in. Which makes things even worse, and to think I actually liked him at one point in my life. If America is so bad, run for President, if you think you can do it better, go for it. All I hear is how screwed up the country is. I will believe this as long as I live, if you don't like our country GET OUT! I have lost respect for the Republican party. Spitting on people, saying the "N" word is going way to far. It's health insurance not war. Did you spit on the people who approved these senseless wars. No, because some of you would be spitting on yourself. I gave the Republican party the benefit of the doubt, but now it seems more racial than anything. It looks like the "evil white men" versus the black man. I wouldn't doubt because of their hate they may try to have our President killed. What I see right now is hate. Hate is very strong word because it comes with emotions that people can't control, which makes this situation more freighting than ever. I don't know what the solutions to Americans problems are. I'm just a little colored girl from Ridgely TN, who was told when the President speaks you listen, watch and you respect. Even though you didn't voted for him. Republicans have no respect for our President, as do a of lot people. To me their just a bunch of crazy people gone wild, acting like children who had their candy taken away. I don't really care about taxes mine have gone up so much over the last couple of years I can't keep up with them. However, I still live in America, the country that so many people risk their lives to get in, so that they can have a better one. So what will I do? Pray.



I PRAY THAT AMERICA WILL SOMEHOW FIND IT'S COMMON GROUND - WE' RE NOT ALWAYS GOING TO AGREE WITH OUR FELLOW MAN - BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO DISRESPECT HIM. MY PRAYER IS THAT WE CAN SIT DOWN AND TALK TO EACH OTHER LIKE HUMAN BEINGS- PILATE SAT DOWN WITH JESUS -WHY CAN'T WE DO THE SAME



The bottom line;

My worse day in America, is a good day somewhere else in the world.

My name is Youlanda Burnett, that's my opinion and it matters to me. Have a great day!



http://www.youlanda.org/

Depression Medication Value

I have entered a whole new world over the past week or so. The world of depression & anxiety. That's the world my daughter is in right now because of the events of the past year or so It seems it all has taken it's toll on her and this is where she is. To me, it does not look like a good place to be, it looks lonely, dark and gray. She was highly medicated and lethargic, but got better after other medications were given. To deepen the depression she was told there were other problems with her heart and possibility more surgery. Which means more depression. There are several things that concern me. One, she was given medication for the anxiety in the hospital but none to take at home, which means she is going to crash really hard, soon. I do believe she was told the she couldn't get it because it's not something Medicaid would pay for. So what is she suppose to do? Go crazy end up back the the hospital again. Oh, let me continue. She was denied her disability benefits because she was not "sick enough". Yet there was a gentlemen in her group session who said he was not really sick, he was just doing it to get his check, because as he said "times are hard"& once again she came in contact with a totally disrespectful medical employee. Some of you look down on low income people and I don't have a clue why? The people that you look down on and don't want to treat have family members who want them to be okay. They may not have money but they are still human beings with feelings. I wonder, what would Obama's health plan do for people like my daughter, who need medication, surgery and face so many other health issues. That was just my thought. I have never been one to depend on my government to fix anything. So I will have to find a way. A way to pay for her meds so that she can be okay so that she can just "cope" with life and all it's disrespectful, uncaring, judging, I don't give a dam about you "humans" in it. If you loose your jobs, paychecks and insurance. You are only a couple of paychecks away from being low income. Judge not that person, that person could be you. I am rambling, my thoughts are every where those of you reading this please forgive me. Oh! one more thing. So that health care professional don't email me as asking, why are you bashing us, let me say this. I was going to church, turned a corner and saw two young people standing outside in the cold with their baby boy. I turned around and asked them did they need a ride and what happened. Apparently, a police officer had their car towed for legal reasons, so they had to get out, stand out in the cold and try to reach someone to come and get them and their baby. The officer did not offer to take them somewhere warm with the baby or anything. He was more concerned about the car, than the lives that were in it. Y'all have a great day! I am now jumping off my soap box.

http://www.youlanda.org

Why? Fear

After returning from the hospital from visiting my daughter. I found myself in a rare state of mind. Asking God why as the alligator tears ran down my cheek, and my glasses fogged up. She looked so depressed and medicated. I had to ask God why, why, why? I have yet to receive my answer. Why didn't he pick me, why is he taking her thru this . Is there some lesson to learn. . I know I will receive my answer, until then I pray. I pray that her heart will be healed, I pray that her depression will disappear. I pray that she has no fear, I know she does we all do. Even thou God tells us to fear not, but we are not God and fear does grab a hold of our minds. Our duty is to fight, believe and not give up even when everything's not going quite right. Things do work out. But at the moment you are going thru it, it all seems hopeless and unfair. You are lost in tears and pain. Thankful for each and every day that you have. Somehow the trivial things in life just don't matter. What matters, is life itself. http://www.youlanda.org/

Congestive heart failure at 30....

That was the diagnosis of my daughter today--WOW!! My first thoughts was what does that mean? Is she going to die. I just stood for a moment and cried and asked, why not me. So many thoughts go thru your mind, what about the kids? I stopped and fell into a state of confusion & depression I am so lost. Until I did what most of us do. Went on the Internet and the ultimate in our family --called my aunt and she explained it to me. It made me feel a little better knowing she went thru the same thing a while ago. But not really, you still carry the death demons in your head and the what ifs. That 's when you pray...That's all I have left today--and maybe a song.

Low income & no respect...

My daughter called me today crying that a doctor has disrespected her. Asking her crazy questions like, are you doing drugs, why did you have so many kids, I can't help you go to another doctor or are you a drug addict because her body has grown immune to some of her pain killers. Or having to pee in Dixie cup at the doctors office or being told, I could be some where else on a Saturday rather than seeing you. I guess that's what happens when your low income. Just a little back ground for all of you who wonder. My daughter chose not to abort any of her children, she works (or a least she did before all this other crap happened in her life). She has support from their fathers and she loves them more than some mothers that I see that have everything. She wants to open her own business, be a photographer. She takes her kid to, basketball, volleyball, tutoring even when she doesn't feel well, which is almost everyday. Doctors Chourdy & Alvi and all you high and mighty educated idiot doctors, ceo's and anyone who has ever disrespected my daughter or anyone who is just trying to do the best they can with what they have. Who are you to look down on and judge others. How many abortions did some of you that are reading this have. How many of you take care of your children. I have been asked why are you having a fundraiser don't you own a record company. Just cause you have music out there does not mean people are buying. Trust me people if I had it she would have the best care in the world. One day I will, and I will remember those who snug their noses up at me and her. If you don't want to give, don't give. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, young, old, black, white, pink, purple or yellow. It shouldn't matter where you live how many kids you have, your background rich or poor. That's part of what is wrong with the world today, we don't respect each other as much as we did "back in the day". I don't have to like what you do, what you say, who marry who you love, or who you worship. But respect is something we should have for each other and we don't. We wonder why things are so screw up? My prayer, is that we find a doctor who will treat her regardless of her background or income, someone who will listen to her story and give a hand up not a hand out. I'm not sure if there's someone out who will. Trying to find someone who will listen or care is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack.

My daughters hands....I Remember

I looked at my daughters hands today so tiny and so petite, and healthy. It's hard to believe that a year ago she was in ICU recovering from heart surgery. I remember them telling me how she would look, but nothing prepares you for that site. I remember how cold and dry they were, I remember the blankets the tubes the wires and the nightmares she would have. I remember her asking, why? I remember the day she came to my house to stay, I remember the day she went home, as I sat on her bed and cried. I see her scar and I wonder why, only God knows. I looked at my daughters hands today and I was glad to see they were okay.

One year later 30 year old coronary by pass patient still struggles...

Seems there is no end to the pain one has to go thru when your a low income heart patient. You can't get the medications you need, no one listens to you and a they label you a drug addict because your system has grown immune to pain killers. I am always at a loss of words when my daughter calls me, I often cry because I cannot help her as much as I would like to. So I pray, I pray, that someday the drug company who manufactured the drug that caused her rare heart condition pays. I pray that she gets her family back together, I pray that we find a doctor who will not push her to the side as if she does not matter, I pray that she has peace and is able to heal mentally and physically from the pain that she has been thru. I pray, I pray, I pray, this WILL happen one day.

Amazing Young Lady

If there were a word that would describe my daughter it would be Amazing. The last year has been filled with nothing but setbacks, heartbreak, suicide, eviction, crazy baby daddies and some substandard doctors. She is a very strong young lady and even though she’s going thru these things in her life she finds time to worry about other people and their children. It all started with a simple headache which led to heart surgery and so on and so on, you can read about it in my previous blogs. We’ve tried in every way to tell her story to the media, but I guess it just wasn’t interesting enough. But balloon boy, a young girl who can’t stop sneezing, and all the other unworthy stories our media thrust down our throats are. Don’t get me wrong, I know that other people have their heartaches and frustrations but this is mine, fight for yours. In spite of all the crap that’s been tossed at her she keeps right on going. Even though the children live in separate households for the moment, she continues to be that “old school” mother that so many of our children lack these days. Her days are often filled driving completely around the city trying to get them to basketball & volleyball tutoring, and all the other activities they’re involved in. But those of us who are believers know that God gives you double for your trouble. All things that seem bad work out for our good.
What’s really ironic, the man who issued the eviction of her family and is being honored for the “Great” things he has done for the community. Of course our local newspaper printed that story, but not her’s, go figure
There is a fund set up for her and her family @ www.maylayent.com if you would like to help just go to the blog spot page. Thank you.

Living with pain & Uncertainty

On November 4th 2009 my daughter went in for her second surgery. She went thru so much this year and I wanted to write about how I thought she felt. But as with so many times before she tells her story best. A fund has been set up for her and her family if you would like to donate. http://www.maylayent.com
Since she wrote this her and her children have been evticted from their home

Hello,

My name is Tikus and I need your help even if it only means telling my story to someone. My children and I were evicted from our home on August 31, 2009. Our local electric company Com-Ed issued me $9,400 electric bill. I have tried to explain to them that I do not owe this bill and that someone stole my identity and had service was put in my name, at another residence. A local charity organization offered me 1200 dollars towards the bill, if I could get the bill down to $1200! Now the bill is no longer the big issue me and my children are homeless.

Please keep in mind that I am a recent heart patient. I was prescribed the drug Imitrex for a migraine and it damaged my heart and I had to undergo open heart surgery 6 months ago. 3 of my children have asthma, and my 2 year old daughter has Vesicoureteral Reflux Grade 4. I am still recovering from the surgery and some complications. I will need more surgery in the coming months because I am not healing properly. I wrote several letters to our Federal Housing Authority asking them to reconsider my eviction and was told I had to put my kids father on the lease in order to get the lights on in his name. However our local office refused and I was evicted. I have been so many different stories and been through so many ups and downs. I really don’t understand why the drug dealers and gang banger can still reside there when they are obviously breaking the lease and other who get the police called on them or there company. If HAJ was to enforce the rules (like they selectively did in my situation) then no one would reside in the Fairview Homes. This eviction has taken a toll on me and my family. My children are very saddened and depressed that we no longer have a place call home. I have to drive around and take them to the park during the day just too pretend that everything is alright. I was recently diagnosed with Lupus I spent most of last week in the hospital because I fainted while test were being ran. I have not healed properly because of all the stress Com-Ed and The Joliet Housing Authority has put me thru. I am in constant pain and can’t get a good night sleep. I take 12 medications a day and sometimes they do not help. I just want to be able to lay my head down sometimes and not worry about weather or not I have to move, or if the sheriff is going to come to my home.

tikuskhudar@gmail.com

Heart Aches-Never Giving Up!

My heart aches every time my daughter hurts from her heart surgery. I can't take away her pain and I wish I could. That is why I am never giving up. So that she can have better health care and doctors who don't look down on her. I will keep on praying and keep believing that things will get better for her. Thru it all she is a very strong young lady, she takes care of her children and others. She has lost her home, and has had to put all her things in storage, and even though things look grim she still finds humor. I will keep reaching for the dreams that have been given me even though it does get hard sometimes. I know that God has a plan for my life and if I don't give up things will happen. I see a better life for my family therefore I have no choice but to keep going. Even when the numbers look bad, and people say no! I have to keep pressing towards my goals. God did not give me visions to sit on them and he never told me it would be easy. If you have a vision keep at it "LIFE" will happen, and on pretty regular basis, you can't stop it. Don't let people in your eardrums don't listen to people who are not where you want to be. Don't listen to people who say, this is how it's done, create your own way. Most importantly remember, IF SUCCESS WAS EASY--EVERYBODY WOULD BE!

Widget

Pray for Kanye

I like many other people wanted to just ring Kanye's neck when he acted like a brat on the award show. He is in a place that a lot of artists, including my own, wish they were in. Doing what he loves to do and enjoying the fruits of his labor. But is he really happy? So I thought about it, prayed about it, and my mind was quickly changed. The conclusion was to Pray for Kanye and I did, here is my prayer for him:

Dear God:

I ask you to come into Kanye’s heart mind and soul. Engulf every fiber and cell in his body, to give him the peace and understanding that he longs to have. Help him grieve for the person he loved the most in this world, knowing that she is gone in body but not in spirit. Lord guide him and let him know, that even though he is not perfect, you are and that you love him no matter what.

Do you have to be a "Christian" to go to Heaven?

The question: Do you have to be a Christian to go to Heaven or do you just have the believe that:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

I asked the question because I have been struggling with the word “Christian” for quite a while. It all came to a head this week when my manager told me that a Hip Hop station was considering playing my new song "Thank You. " At first I thought he said some other song. I thought for a moment, that's interesting. I think a lot of the Hip Hop artists probably were raised in the church. If you can get them to think about God with a catchy rhythm, some non- judgemental lyrics it might change some thinking out there, just maybe. But unfortunately what I have seen and what other people think of Christians; judgemental, mean and unforgiving. Made me wonder what they would think of my song. I sing and write all genres of music and was very hesitant to release "Thank You" to gospel radio because some of them can have a "holy than thou spirit ". What am I going to say if they ask me how can you sing about God and still do other music genres. That is what made me question the word "Christian." Am I saved if I do other music, but still believe? I toiled with this for quite a few months until I had a long conversation with God and received his blessing. But I still had questions about what the Bible said about being a "Christian", I am still studying, that is why I poised the question above to a co-worker, his comments are below. I came to the conclusion that I don't care what people say about my music it's my music it's how I feel. You either play it or you don't. I will continue to write songs of thanks, peace, praise, joy or whatever he lays on my heart. More than likely I'm probably going to say something or do something that will offend some Christian's or people in general, that's okay God has prepared me for that. I am still a BELIEVER I know that God loves me and I love him. He loves us all. How about you, what do you believe?

My name is Youlanda Burnett that's opinion and it matters to me.

I have never been so scared as I was in February when we were told that my 29 year old daughter had to have heart surgery. It was a reaction from taking Imitrex that caused her arteries to swell, my heart just want to have her pain so that she could go home to her children, that loved her so much. I looked at how hard it was just for her too breathe and thought, this is not happening. What did she do to have to go thur all of this, so young. The days that led up to her surgery I wanted it to be special if she wanted something I got it. When I would go home I would have terrifying dreams that the doctor would call saying she's gone. But I would say a prayer and call the name Jesus and he would rescue her. The morning of the surgery I just could not relax, we said goodbye to her when they said this is as far as you can go. Oh my God just the thought of someone opening her little chest was just terrifying. It took less time than they said, I think 5 hours, not sure. The hospital waiting room volunteer was so nice and tried to assure us that she would be okay because she is so young. She said she had the surgery also and it wasn't a big deal. But it was. We were told we could see her after surgery and how she would look, bloated with a lot of tubes coming out of her and that she may not look like herself. Nothing can prepare you for that recovery room. She looked so helpless, tubes everywhere you could here every breath she took, she was cold it is the most horrible thing I have ever seen, bags hanging from her bed and several Iv's coming out of her little arms. They had so much medication going in her. She would recover as scheduled but she had some really bad day mares, not night mares. I took as much time as I could off of work and everything else in my life came to a halt nothing else mattered, just her getting well. She would eventually come to stay with us to recover. Those were some of the best weeks I had ever spent with her as we have not always been close. I learned some things that I didn't know about her, what TV shows she liked what kinda of food she liked to eat because she knew all the places that had take out. She liked to shop. I also learned that she is a much better mother than I could EVER be. I saw how much her children loved her and when she looked at them all I could see was unconditional love. She had to go back to the hospital, for a few day , she hated that. She did return to her family a few weeks later and the day she left I went and sat on her bed and cried because she had to go to her family. She has had some problems with her heart it beats to fast and because she has low blood pressure it is hard for them to treat her. They put her on a heart monitor and they are working from there. After fighting for her life she has had to fight for her house. All of a sudden the electric was turned off because of a 9,000 bill and our wonderful government housing decided to throw her and her children out of the house. She did not want to stay with me because she is a very proud young women. They did eventually let her come back, and we tried to talk to ComEd to resolve the issue and tell them that this is not her bill but they will not listen. They are very rude! An agency offered 1200 to them and they flat out refused!. We have started a fund raiser. Some of you may ask why doesn't Maylay help her, because as good as our music is, no one wants to buy it that much they say it's good but they don't buy. And that hurts me, because I can't help her like I would like too, and it sucks. It's a battle out their dealing with people who just don't care, everywhere you turn their is just lack of concern on ComEd's part I have never ever, dealt with such an unreasonable company in my life. They denied her doctors letters for two of her children who have asthma, they lied and said they had never received paper work and they tell you that a supervisor will call you back and tell you to stop calling so much. What a company I wish we had another company for electric! We will continue to fight!! Things will get better for her and us.

Do It Yourself

It boggles my mind the amount of people out there charging money to artist to get their music on I-tunes and other digital stores, radio stations, or in front of A&R reps, even charging money to audition. You know who you are. Exactly what do you get for your money, who listened to it, who did you send it to? Do I get a money back guarantee if you don’t succeed? The bottom line is that you can do what these people are doing. You may have to sacrifice some quality time for research. First, have someone give an honest opinion about your music FOR FREE! not your mother or cousins but someone totally removed from you and decide if it's something you want to continue to do. Then, find a studio with reasonable prices and a good sound, they are out there. Go take a look at the studio, if they are good they will have samples of the work they have done. Interview them, it's your money don't give it to someone you don't like or do one song and see how it fits. Next-I-tunes & Boost are perfect for the Indie artists they will let you upload a single with art work for a very reasonable fee. For example, we recorded the single "Good Time" had it mastered, uploaded the art work and had it on Boost within 2 weeks for a little more than a hundred dollars. We took the research we did over the years and created a DJ, college and Internet stations data base of our own. We asked if they would play the song. Some said yes, some said no but we keep going until we get that yes. Delete the ones that say no :) The Internet is the WORLD WIDE WEB, use it to your advantage. Ownership is power, do your research, learn about the music business. Don't get me wrong, we are not where we want to be in the music industry YET! but were almost there and we will keep striving until we get the YES that will make a difference. The road to success may be a little longer if you do it yourself, but it's worth it. Ownership is power, don't loose yours!